Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
i think i could get the hang of this...i almost drank a whole box of Swanson chicken broth when i got home from work...
the whole box is only 40cals anyway, so not much harm.
im happy about making it through the work day....That's the toughest part. :)
-water for breakfast
-12 oz of apple juice for lunch
-chicken broth and sugar free jello for dinner
-i put 8 oz cherry juice in the freezer for later
*all juice is 100% juice
hope Tk is doing well too. ..she was last we talked...keep it up beautiful!
After researching the benefits of fasting, I figured that I would give it a try for 3 days. I have to eat friday, but if it goes well...I plan to begin again- I ultimately would love to get to 10+ days.
For me, This is not just simply fasting to cut calories...it's about cleansing the toxins and getting everything that has been accumulating out of my body.
I have done some drugs in the past (prescription and illegal) and ended up using food as my drug until about 3 weeks ago, so i want it all out!
Here is the article that gave me the desire to do this: Benefits of Fasting
I appreciate everyone's comments and support ya'll rock!
Monday, July 26, 2010
I just need to put my mind to it.
I need help with this.
Deep breath.....I gained 1.6 lbs over the weekend.
Obviously, I did not stick to my liquid fast. I did eat less than 1200 cals each day and in theory, my body burns more than that as far as my resting metabolism goes, so I'm not sure why the gain. I suppose it could be the fact that I was restricting before and since I ate normal calories, my body is holding on to everything....IDK....I do know that I'm disappointed, but not surprised. Like i said before, I have been here before....I know how to lose weight...I know that it is normal for the scale to go up in the midst of progress.
What i have to remember is that ultimately, I do weigh less than when I started 3 weeks ago.
Time to restrict.
I seem to have better luck with restricting rather than fasting completely because I usually fuck it up when I fast.
Hope everyone else had a better weekend than I did.
I need motivation to go to the gym. I can't get in the groove of it! I just want to go home and sleep so that I can wake up as a thinner me.....Does anyone else have this issue?
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
i just binged and purged....2nd time this week.... i stopped over 5 years ago...and now twice. ugh..so mad at myself.
Update: I weighed myself this morning and it showed that i was down .4 lbs, so almost half of a pound. -this means that my binge didn't completely eff everything up....
I am down a total of 8lbs in roughly 3 weeks....not great, but I know that having the new scale is going to be good for me in order to stay accountable.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
So, lately, it has been just me and my demons....I am slowly battling them one by one and getting control of this. I have to go get fitted for the bridesmaid dress next weekend. TOTALLY not looking forward to it. It's a good thing that my mom is great at sewing because I will have to have her take it in. I need to get the motivation to go to the gym daily. I do yoga daily, but I need to do the cardio. I can't wait till fall....i can run/walk outside and not DIE from the heat.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I will do this
I am doing this. :)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
My best friend's wedding is October 23rd. 94 days...this is the goal date. I have not seen her in 2 years,so she has no idea how much I let myself go. I am confident that i will see results and she won't have to know. I am the maid of honor, so I have to look decent. I am strong and determined, this will not be easy, but I can do it. If only determination were enough. I have been restricting and haven't seen a great deal of movement on the scale (about 2 lbs in 1 week)...so, I'm not sure what to do except keep on restricting. At least I have not gained and overall...i am losing, just not as fast as I would prefer.
Let's think positively....*positive thoughts*....I'm a fan of positive energy and the whole concept of mind over matter. Yes, the weight is real, but the mind can do amazing things when you allow your subconscious thoughts to lead it there.
-I wanted to get rid of the bad relationship and I was convinced that the only way to do this was to sabotage myself because I knew it was too tempting to stay otherwise, so here we are....
Yoga has become my safe place. I have recently been introduced (within the past 2 months) to yoga and LOVE IT. I find that the more weight I lose, the more possibilities there are in my yoga practice. I can do more poses, Hold the poses longer,and the less belly I have-the lower to the ground I can go. I have a play list on my iPod titled "ohm"....I turn the lights out in my living room and do yoga when i feel frustrated and overwhelmed.
I love music. It's like a drug. It takes all the pain away. Any excuse to listen to music (and not just have it in the background) is something I look forward to.
Hope everyone has a great day! <3
Monday, July 19, 2010
half sandwich and soup-540
light string cheese-60
veggie steamer- 100
gym 1 hour- (650)
net intake: 285
....closing out the day.
Is it bad that i still think i ate too much?
tomorrow....no sandwich. I can do this.
I am sure of one thing. I need/will lose at least 50 lbs in a little over 3 months.
I can do this.
I think this blog will help me stay accountable.
A little bit about me:
*I am 26 years old [going through a quarter life crisis :)]
*I have always had issues with food.
*I have always thought i needed to weigh less.
*I have had issues with ED, drugs, cutting,and co-dependency.
*I have been thin on the scales, but never thin in my mind.
*I recently gained 60+ lbs within 7.5 months to basically get out of a relationship.
I was in a long distance relationship and the guy REFUSED to leave. I knew it
wasn't a good relationship...you know, that gut feeling? well...everytime i was
with him, I knew it wasn't good. So, I did a little self sabatoge and it wasn't
the weight that was the problem--it was my insecuries that led to destruction
and demise of that relationship. (good to be out of the
relatioship, but left
with the weight and insecurities that go with it.)
I am not going to share my current weight right now....i will...i just need time to come to terms with it. Keep in mind- I have never been this weight...so it is not "normal" to me.
If i can be an advocate for anything, it would be ANTI-antidepressants.
I disliked the circumstance of my relationship (long distance)so much that I turned to antidepressants.
After gaining all the weight, I started googling my prescription and, in horror, I was reading about others who gained weight because of it as well. I know everyone is different, but for me, it STOPPED my metabolism. Which they are known to do (or atleast slow it down). So combine that with emotional eating and VOILA- an excess shell of a body that took less than 8 months to acquire.
I am determined to be better than I was before I was in that relationship!
I am ready to start the new chapter of my life....there is not a doubt in my mind that i can do this. It's just a matter of DOING IT.