Fail and Sadness

Ok....so I have managed to lose NOTHING this entire month. I'm so distraught! I think i have been in a plateau. I don't even want to update my posts because I am so upset. I hope that my persistence will overcome this plateau. That's all I have to say for now....I'm just upset.

OMG 60 Days Left!

As I look at the ticker on my page....the number 60 is glaring me in the face. 2 months! I still have so much to lose....like 40lbs....to even look descent! Last week was NO CARB...I did well, but did not see any movement on the scale, however, my stomach is much flatter and my clothes fit much much better, so i know that some of my fat has been converted in to muscle. My mom even commented that she could tell and she is not very forgiving when it comes to excess weight. I remember asking her why she let me wear huge glasses when i was in grade school (as i was looking back at my school pictures) her response was "to hide your fat face" ....thanks mom :)

Anyway- I have tried very hard to no let the scale's still number get to me, but I NEED to see results this week or i will be very very upset. I have a Gym buddy that will keep me accountable...we have a date at 8pm tonight, but I might go early so I can stay longer (the gym closes at 10, but i feel like I'm being rude if i stay longer than 9:45). Still doin the No Carb thing....Wish me luck!

.....Positive energy.....*sigh* so discouraging when i don't see the scale budge....

Thinking Out Loud

So, I have decided that I must do a low carb diet and put my body in to ketosis in order to burn the fat quickly. Here is the link to get an idea of what I'm talking about.

Last week, when I lost the 3lbs in 2 days, i was doing the low carb thing. Well....I added carbs back in and i quickly gained those 2lbs back. My mom told me that our family genetically responds well to low carb diets (using the term "diet" as in what we eat instead of restricting). I have been good all day. I must not go above 25 net carbs in 1 day. I'm going grocery shopping today to stock up on low carb food items.

I am losing, but I need to lose a significant amount of weight within a short period of time and studies show that the best way to do this is through Ketosis.....so, I will do what I have to do!


Wish me luck!

Oh yea---
I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love.....Such a good book! i haven't seen the movie yet, but I'm going to go once i finish the book. I recommend it to anyone who is fighting their inner demons....it's beautifully written!

Hmmm

I went to my parent's house to use their sauna again and weighed myself after that and it said i was down 3 lbs from the last time i checked. I had a networking event last night (free drinks and food), so i'm not so sure how much of that 3lbs is accurate, but seeing progress is good in general!

I was invited to a party tonight, but i'm passing on it because i do not want to drink excess calories since i did that last night....I am going to take it easy and probably hang out at the parent's house so i can keep accountable. My mom is an RN and very good at cooking healthy. She fully supports me in my weightloss (because she doesn't want a fat kid!-ha), so it's been good to spend time over there because she's ruthless when it comes to me snacking, etc. Mom and Dad had ice cream the other night and my dad asked if i wanted any and i declined...and my mom was like "no, she can't have any of that right now!"

...she means well...i have asked her to help me, so i can't complain.

I do want to thank everyone who has chosen to follow me- everyone here is so supportive and it really helps me....we all have issues with food and our bodies ...knowing that there are others out there that think/ feel the same way as I do is so comforting and makes this journey bearable.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

-15 lbs!!!

OK y'all....this weekend was a success: ) i have finally seen my weight officially go down 15 lbs and my body feels great!

The colonic made me a bit nervous at first, but the technician was very calming.
..just seeing all of the "crap" (literally and figuratively) coming out was quite surprising. my stomach has gone down quite a bit and i no longer have dull pains....it feels really good to be free from all of those toxins.

i used my parent's far infrared sauna also. OMG! i just can't wait to see how this is going to help speed up the process. if u read about these, it burns calories as if i went to the gym as well as releases toxins from all of the fat. it's crazy how good it is for u.
just wanted to update everyone!

<3>

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Holistic Healing

This weekend will be one all consumed with holistic-ness :) I have a hydrocolonic appointment tomorrow at 2....I have always wanted to get this done because there are so many benefits, but never really had it on my radar as something to spend my money on. I am taking the next 2.5 months to concentrate on ME.

I plan to go to my parents on Sunday to use their infrared Sauna.

I will have to practice self control this weekend...last weekend, I ate a lot of fast food....even though it was only 1 meal a day....it's enough to make me maintain instead of lose. I will go to the gym also...the gym is the difference between hovering between pounds and LOSING pounds.

I love sleeping in...or rather, not having to wake up. I am lucky to have a job where I get the weekends off. Lately, I mostly spend my time resting as opposed to going out and putting myself in the position to feel obligated to spend a lot of money and eat excess calories.

here's to a great weekend!

One Month

Today is one month from when I started and I have lost another .8 lbs....I'm okay with that...i'm still in the 13, almost 14 lb loss...I don't remember the exact decimal when I started, just the whole number.

I am ok with the 13 lbs...I wish it were more as I still have about 45 to go to be at my "comfortable" weight...and then I would like to lose an additional 20-30...maybe more...depending on how far I want to take this.

I have been reading a lot about holistic medicine/healing...the website for a local hydrocolonics place also mentioned infrared saunas as a great way to lose toxins and weight....i realized, my parents (who live 20 minutes down the road) just bought an infrared sauna last year..I never really thought twice about it, but after reading about it...It's SOOOO good for you. Here is the link to the weightloss benefits....not including the toxin removal benefits. AHHH! I told my mom that i'd be coming this weekend to use it...she was like "sure!"
It's like i found gold in my backyard! I cannot wait to get in there!


Has anyone tried hydrocolonics? I'm kinda nervous about trying it for the obvious reasons....I do believe they would be helpful, but does the benefit outweigh the cost?
I would appreciate any one's thoughts about this....

Hope every one's doing well and I know I could not do this without ya'lls support! It's made a world of difference.

"Breath" by Breaking Benjamin

This is one of my favorite songs...The reason for my blog title is this song....please check them out if you haven't heard of them before. I love them, I have met them and they are an awesome band! Especially Mr. Benjamin :)

I see nothing in your eyes
And the more I see the less I like

Is it over yet?
In my head

I know nothing of your kind
And won't reveal your evil mind

Is it over yet?
I can't win

So sacrifice yourself
And let me have what's left
I know that I can find
The fire in your eyes
I'm going all the way
Get away please

You take the breath right out of me
And left a hole where my heart should be
You gotta fight just to make it through
'Cause I will be the death of you

This will be all over soon
Pour the salt into the open wound

Is it over yet?
Let me in

So sacrifice yourself
And let me have what's left
I know that I can find
The fire in your eyes
I'm going all the way
Get away please

You take the breath right out of me
And left a hole where my heart should be
You gotta fight just to make it through
'Cause I will be the death of you

I'm waiting
I'm fading
Realize
Stop hiding

You take the breath right out of me
And left a hole where my heart should be
You gotta fight just to make it through
'Cause I will be the death of you

Downward Movement of the Scale is SOO worth the Pain!

Ok ya'll, I totally rocked it at the gym....I did 2.5 hours last night....I did an hour on the elliptical (hardcore...made sure to be faster than the skinny bitches next to me!), 30 minutes on the bike (can never really get in to that...), and one hour on the treadmill (light walking cuz i was SO tired). I went there DETERMINED that I would not leave until close....I didn't. My hips and spine hurt so badly by the time i was done....i went home, took a shower and then did some yoga- What did I ever do before yoga? I LOVE it....there is nothing better than feeling the stretch......

As far as eating goes...i haven't been eating much...Sugar Free Jello is my new BFF. I have been having 1 meal (lunch) per day since i'm working out. Yesterday I had a baked potato. I figure, I can't really do a full on liquid fast since i don't want to pass out at the gym. I really want to get to the point where I can go days without eating solids simply because it is so good for removing toxins.

So, total i have lost 13+ lbs ...tomorrow will be 1 month from my start date (I started the day after Independence day cuz i ate/drank way too much stuff on that day).



I have a massage membership and I haven't used my monthly massage, so I think i'm going to do that today... I need it after yesterday and then I plan to go to the gym once i'm finished with my massage.



Happy Hump Day everyone :)



***Update****

I SO need that massage...my hips and lower back are so sore....It's all good though.

Currently listening to Three Days Grace "Pain" cuz i kept tellin my coworkers I was in pain....so it was the theme to my day. :)

1+1=2

I have been going along trying to convince myself that simply cutting calories will help me lose weight quickly. While, yes, this is true...I only have a certain amount of time between now and my best friend's wedding. I NEED TO WORK OUT!!!! I went last night and felt great this morning. I cannot be lazy when it comes to losing weight....i need to be doing BOTH (hence the 1+1=2). NO EXCUSES!

Last Friday night was a an "Ah Ha" moment for me....I am typically very social and not shy....well, we were all tailgating and there were a bunch of guys in the row next to us seeing me make shots...they semi-flirted with me, but I was very aware that this was mainly because the were interested in the shots....not so much me. I am usually confident that at least one out of the 8 would be flirting with me, but this time...i was confident that it was the shots. No hard feelings...they were nice enough and we all laughed and had a good time, but I am literally in a shell of myself right now. I feel like I'm trapped in a fat suit. The sooner I can unzip it...the better. I can move on with my normal life.
Don't get me wrong- I definitely have issues with my weight without the additional pounds that I recently acquired, but I am socially more acceptable, I can physically do more, & I can fit in to clothing and look descent.

Notice that I do not call myself "Fat"too often. I am very much against labeling myself as that because I do not want to BE that. I am not that. I will not allow myself to be that any longer. I allowed myself to become that because of self sabotage. It was a conscious decision....I am making a conscious decision to lose this extra weight. I may currently have extra pounds to lose,but they can be shed and they will be shed.

Thank you all for the words of encouragement....it really helps!

<3

Weekend was a Bust!

I completely sucked this weekend. I ate way too many calories!


I am doing a liquid diet (no more than 300 cals) from now until I can't do it anymore (well, I'd love to do 10 days). I did pretty well last week with my 3 day fast and my biggest downfall during that was lunch (since we all get food together) because everyone wanted to bring me something to eat. My boss declared a "crash diet" for herself this morning because she has to go to the lake in a month, and I decided that I was going to declare "i'm cutting lunch out" for me, so no one will ask why i'm not eating lunch. This will save me a lot of money too.

During my 3 day fast,
I felt safe -I didn't have to worry about if the food that i was eating was going to affect the number on the scale. I liked that feeling. I just need to remember that when I get hungry.
I did notice that when i did give in to food this weekend, I didn't taste that good...it actually made me sick to my stomach....I guess that's progress....
I slept a good portion of the weekend because I drank a whole 1.5 L bottle of Vodka beginning at 3pm friday and ending at around 3am Saturday morning.
I also started my period on Thursday evening, so i'm sure that didn't help!



I can do this. I know I can...I was too scared to weigh myself this weekend or this morning, so I will do that once i feel like the bloat goes down.

Yay for fasting!